we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Randomize
