I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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