I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
