hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
