If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
