That's intense
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
