When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Randomize
