There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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