do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
