so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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