so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
