Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
