The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
