we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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