Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
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