Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
