I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
