Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Randomize
