Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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