just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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