Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
