My nipple is on Facebook.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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