The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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