Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
You've changed since you got that strap on
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
