ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Randomize
