i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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