She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
