I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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