just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Randomize
