Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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