maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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