ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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