I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
