Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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