Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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