are you so shy because you have an std?
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize