Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
