Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
