He had one of those small greek statue penises
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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