Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
