Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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