WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
