Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
