: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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