were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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