Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
