Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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