i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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