we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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