Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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