His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
