We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
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