I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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