I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize