doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
