Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
