Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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