Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
