My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
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