He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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