MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
3pm strippers are depressing
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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