i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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