I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
