Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
