No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
