Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize