By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
