Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Randomize
