I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
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