why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
