My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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