He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
