watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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