Ketchup is God's man juice
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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