you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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