Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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