I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
