i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize