dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
