Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
