i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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