You smell like a Billy Joel song
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Green mimosas i think yes
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
