Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
