there was a trapeze. enough said
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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