It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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