Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
