I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
