Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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