All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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