I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
