Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize