I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize