You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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