if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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