I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
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