As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
