So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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