I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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