my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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