I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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