Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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