Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
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