Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
