she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Text me some of your sweat
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
