I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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