Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
