At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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