When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
