Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
